Christ.
I would like to say that years of performing has made me immune to pre-audition jitters. But I have to say, that would be a bold-faced lie. Because, in all reality, I have never had to audition. Maybe once or twice for singing. (Not to sound like a complete and total utter jackass —) But Vashon and Aurora weren’t that big, and it was very easy to become well known. When people see my dad in the grocery store they ask him if I’m still singing and when I’ll do another show here. Yeah, it’s THAT personal.
Which is nice. But at Bard, it felt stifling, especially when I became convinced I wasn’t up to par. Now I know that was the anxiety and depression talking, but I didn’t at the time. And at the time, I let it get to me - and as a result, i haven’t really practiced or sung in over a year and a half. Mostly it was due to sickness or depression, but for whatever reason, I stopped. And getting back on the proverbial horse has been a BITCH.
Apparently I pick up technique at light-speed, according to Elizabeth, which rocks. But that doesn’t shake the year and a half off from the attitude it takes to convince yourself not to listen to the doubts. Oy, it’s tiring. But knowing this will all be mostly done in eleven days makes it tolerable. Sometimes I even find myself looking forward to the audition, just because I miss performing :)
